Diary

What's on my mind? Good question. Sometimes I don't even know what my mind is thinking. It keeps telling me to leave it blank or stops overthinking. But there are times that I know I'm right. I'm stressed at the moment. Everyone I know are working their best in their jobs or towards their dreams. They work more than they should , non stop but still managed to have some social lives.

I come from a family of workaholics, with a mind of steel(determination) and reserved personalities. We don't express ourselves often that much or go out for adventures. We are very quiet even it is Christmas. We have a different way of expressing ourselves, coping everyday lives. Our emotions are tightly controlled except when we are on each other nerves. A bit scary really!
My mind can be so active. My imagination can be excessive. To most people I met my first impression is usually quiet, good mannered and gentle. Maybe a little bit shy too.
Deep down in my heart I want to be hyper, less shy and more approachable. Demonstrative and sociable. There are people in my life that tell me what I will be like if I don't make changes to myself. Conversely there are people who remind me of what I want in myself.

People can change by unexpected ways or encounter. Some can have a profound effect on one' s life. I truly believe that I am not the same person of couple years ago. I'm not what I used to be: timid and weak. Oh lord please give me courage and strength, love and hope, faith and patience, peace in mind and heart.
The most important things in life: Work relationship and health. I'm easily tired and have mood swings in this past year. I'm not myself lately. I have changed. I make conversations with strangers usually the elderly and older people. I socialise or go out every month. But there's a void in my heart and it can't be filled with food or adventures... What it needs is my secret desire to be loved.
I will improve myself for better. Bring it on! I should be fair to myself.